the drive-thru scene feels like a veil-thin moment, where an ordinary window suddenly opens onto the whole hidden weather of the soul, and there is only so much trembling a person can gather into a smile
It feels like I could have written this. I've had this same experience many times in the past few years and it's always unmooring. I still don't have a good elevator pitch for something that requires an entire book(s) to explain. Such a strange experience to feel so adrift when I was once so firmly planted.
Jenn, I resonated with your post so much! I remember how unsettling it was for me to run into people I knew from the church I left for several years after leaving. Those chance encounters would rattle and shake me up inside.
A couple of things I learned through spiritual direction that helped me through this stage:
1) Because I was so loyal to and loved that church so much for so long, I felt like I had to explain myself to whoever might ask about my departure. But the truth is: I don't owe my whole story to everyone. Not everyone is safe. Not everyone has earned the right to hear it all, especially while I'm still processing it.
2) Other people weren't thinking about my departure and the reasons behind it nearly as much as I was, and if they were, few if any were brave enough to actually ask why I left to my face.
3) It really helped to have a few phrases ready to go that I could use if I was caught off-guard: "I needed a change," or "I'm not really ready to talk about it at this point," "Thanks for asking, but I'm still processing," etc. I actually don't think I've ever needed to say any of these but it comforted me to have them.
4) A little hope - after a few years of grieving, processing, naming, reframing, and growing on my own in safer spaces, that awkwardness and fear I felt is gone. The more I could understand and own my own story, the less fear and discomfort I experienced when I encountered people from my past that represented (to me) that system/church.
Hi Jen! Thank you for your honesty. My article this week is about responding with compassion instead of suspicion. I will pray for God to shower you with compassion this week.
the drive-thru scene feels like a veil-thin moment, where an ordinary window suddenly opens onto the whole hidden weather of the soul, and there is only so much trembling a person can gather into a smile
All of this. Well said. Thank you.
It feels like I could have written this. I've had this same experience many times in the past few years and it's always unmooring. I still don't have a good elevator pitch for something that requires an entire book(s) to explain. Such a strange experience to feel so adrift when I was once so firmly planted.
I so relate to this, Mari. A few words won’t do. It’s so hard to be untethered from what used to be the safest place. I feel you.
Jenn, I resonated with your post so much! I remember how unsettling it was for me to run into people I knew from the church I left for several years after leaving. Those chance encounters would rattle and shake me up inside.
A couple of things I learned through spiritual direction that helped me through this stage:
1) Because I was so loyal to and loved that church so much for so long, I felt like I had to explain myself to whoever might ask about my departure. But the truth is: I don't owe my whole story to everyone. Not everyone is safe. Not everyone has earned the right to hear it all, especially while I'm still processing it.
2) Other people weren't thinking about my departure and the reasons behind it nearly as much as I was, and if they were, few if any were brave enough to actually ask why I left to my face.
3) It really helped to have a few phrases ready to go that I could use if I was caught off-guard: "I needed a change," or "I'm not really ready to talk about it at this point," "Thanks for asking, but I'm still processing," etc. I actually don't think I've ever needed to say any of these but it comforted me to have them.
4) A little hope - after a few years of grieving, processing, naming, reframing, and growing on my own in safer spaces, that awkwardness and fear I felt is gone. The more I could understand and own my own story, the less fear and discomfort I experienced when I encountered people from my past that represented (to me) that system/church.
Hi Jen! Thank you for your honesty. My article this week is about responding with compassion instead of suspicion. I will pray for God to shower you with compassion this week.